Why Try?
by I Am Awkward
Summary: She knew he didn't think of her the same way she did, so why did she even try?
1. Chapter 1

**Hi my lovelie cupcakes! I started writing this story...today when I was babysitting and to be honest, I have no idea where I'm going with this. But I didn't want all this writing effort, pfft, I mean time, to go to waste. So I'm publishing it anyways. **

**It will be a two-shot. Probably. As far as I know. **

**It will probably either be a two-shot or a three-shot. I really don't know. Also, it depends on the number of reviews. So my cupcakes, please reviews your thoughts on whether it should be a two shot or three shot. I'll do it based on what YOU want. Thank you for reading this! Please enjoy(:**

**Disclaimer: I don't own GA.**

* * *

Her gaze followed him with saddened eyes. Currently, a slim petite brunette sat in the corner of a library, her eyes following her secret crush as she watched him hug another figure. She watched behind an open book as he smiled toward the girl and kissed her on her forehead. The girl left and he made his way toward her.

"Hey Mikan," the crimson lad smiled. Yup, it was none other than Natsume Hyuuga, her best friend. He pulled out a chair that was next to her and heaved down tiredly. She dropped the book lower down her face revealing her plump pink lips. The one saddened look in her eyes were now gone and her eyes shielded from all emotions.

"Hey Natsume," she mumbled looking down. She couldn't look him in the eyes at that moment. He looked at her and smiled even wider not realizing her behavior and hooked his arm around her neck.

"Isn't Luna beautiful?" he sighed staring into space. She looked at him momentarily and started to wiggle to get out of his grip, which he wouldn't allow. He laughed and gave her a noogie thinking she was trying to play with him, when in truth, she wasn't. He pushed his glasses up and sighed again.

"She really is…" Mikan trailed off thinking about how Natsume really liked Luna.

Luna Koizomi. The most beautiful girl in school. She was pretty, popular, a _cheerleader_, and followed by everyone. But to Mikan, she was a bitch. Behind Luna's smiles was a cruel terrifying girl. But she couldn't tell Natsume that because it'd break his heart.

But he was breaking her heart; her nerdy best friend, who she knew was a total cutie under his thick glasses. Natsume was her best friend since age 5. They were always together…and she _loved _him, with all her heart, but of course he didn't know that because he was too blinded with his love for Luna. Luna confessed to him one day and told him she always loved him, which was hard to believe. To Mikan, it was kind of suspicious that the most popular girl in school loved one of the nerds of the school, but hey, it happened.

Mikan smiled at Natsume who unhooked his arm around her neck. She sat straight and straightened out her uniform and fixed her thick glasses. She watched him as he stared out the window smiling a little smile that was hidden partially by his hand. Her gaze followed his and she saw who he was looking at Luna. She coughed slightly and looked away immediately. Of course he was looking at Luna, always watching Luna.

Gathering her books and papers that were scattered on the table and stuffing it into her book sack, she stood up. Hearing the screeching of her chair, Natsume looked up at Mikan. Her eyes were covered by her bangs but a heartless smile hung on her lips. She turned quickly without a word and walked away quickly without a word. Behind her glasses, tiny droplets of tears were accumulating.

She knew he would never love her, so why did she have to love him?

* * *

"Why did she leave so suddenly?" Natsume wondered. He sighed and sunk back into the library chair tiredly. Mikan was acting strange suddenly and he could help wonder why. She didn't talk to him as often as she used too and she just wasn't as fun as she used to be.

It all started a few months ago, ever since Luna confessed to him.

_**Flashback**_

_They were walking home one day joking around like usual when suddenly:_

"_Hey Natsume," Luna smiled sweetly. Natsume looked at her in awe because well, she was talking to him. The girl that he always admired from afar was actually talking to him. She looked down cutely and timidly shuffled her feet. "I've always wanted to tell you this, but I've ALWAYS liked you." He didn't notice her quick malicious glance at Mikan but a smile graced her features quickly._

"_Really?" he asked hopefully. Luna giggled and nodded. Mikan on the other hand looked down. She looked up and smiled awkwardly and quietly said," Bye Natsume." Her eyes were slightly glassy but Natsume took no notice to them. He was too preoccupied by Luna. He looked quickly as he saw Mikan quickly walk home while hugging her books to her chest. _

'_Oh well,' he thought,' I'll talk to her tomorrow.' He looked at Luna again and the rest was history._

_**End of Flashback**_

But he didn't. He didn't really see her all the next day because when class came and she usually sat with him, she walked in, looked at him, and took a seat at the far corner from him. Then when he tried to talk to her, she'd smile slightly and make up an excuse. It was weird. And he noticed that no matter how hard he tried to talk to her like he used too, she would let him. She was slowly pulling away from him. So instead, he occupied his time with his girlfriend, who he really loved deeply.

He still tried to stay close with Mikan but she just continuously seemed to pull away. And by the way she was doing it, it really made him miss her.

He missed the times where they laughed and made fun of the popular. He missed the times they cuddled with their blankets, drank hot chocolate, and watched movies. He missed the times where they would play at the park like little kids. And he especially missed the times where they would just laugh. Laugh and just hang out. He missed her. He missed his best friend.

* * *

She looked in her mirror. She touched it lightly and slid her fingers down it. Why couldn't he like her? Why did he have to be so hung over Luna. Was she really that great?

Mikan took off her glasses that revealed her beautiful caramel eyes. Why couldn't he look at her like she looked at him? She laughed pitifully at herself. She knew why. It was because she wasn't beautiful like Luna and she was popular like Luna and she just wasn't Luna. She looked at herself in the mirror again and examined herself thoroughly.

Beautiful hazel orbs. Long silky caramel tresses. Pale clear skin. A small button nose and pink plump lips. Why couldn't she be beautiful like Luna? She punched the mirror violently and stared at her fist as it bled from the glass shards that shattered. Sobs suddenly tore through her throat as she slumped to the floor slowly.

"Why can't I be beautiful? Why?" she muttered to herself as her lifeless orbs stared into space.

"Mikan!" a voice yelled on the other side of the door. She slowly turned her head to the door and smiled sadly. She knew that voice.

"Yes, Natsume?" Mikan said softly.

"I heard a shatter! Are you okay?" His voice laced with worry. "I'm coming in." She watched as he opened the door and stare at her in horror. He quickly rushed to her when he saw her condition. He took her bloody fist into his hand and took the few glass shards that were in her fist, out.

"Why don't you love me?" Mikan said softly as she watched him carefully tend to her would. He stopped and looked at her.

"What Mikan?" he asked shocked.

"Why don't, why can't you love me?" Mikan said sobbing, she tore her hand away from his and covered her face.

"What are you talking about Mikan?"

"I love you so much. So much and yet, you won't look at me." She stared at him pitifully as a new batch of tears fell from her eyes. "Why couldn't you just look my way once? Just once is all I would ever ask for."

He looked at her with a mix of shock and disbelief, and she giggled. She knew he would look at her with disgust. She laughed and thought, 'Who wouldn't? She was hideous.'

"I'm just joking Natsume." She flashed him a bright smile and picked herself off the ground. She made her way to the bathroom and obtained a wet cloth to fix her wound. First, she wiped her tears though. Then she turned to him with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "What brings you here Natsume?"

He chuckled not noticing it and said," You scared me there. I thought you actually said you loved me. Wouldn't that be ridiculous?" He laughed and threw his head back at the ridiculous thought. He didn't see her cringe slightly. She gave a forced laugh," I was just thinking about someone. Someone who I love a lot but he doesn't love me back. He doesn't even think about me like that."

Her laugh suddenly turned into sobs and Natsume stared at her with caring eyes. He wrapped his arms around her and whispered in her hair," He's stupid for not loving someone like you."

'_That means you're stupid,' Mikan though smiling sadly into his shirt._

* * *

"How about we get this mess cleaned up and we go watch a movie? Like old time sake," he suggested giving her a half smile that made her blush.

"Sure."

His breath hitched slightly as he heard Mikan say," Why don't you love me?" He could hear the brokenness in her voice. His heart stopped as he saw her adorable face streaked with tears. Her eyes were glassy and oh so broken that it made his heart ache.

Who did this to her?

He saw fire when he heard that she was talking about someone else. He knew it was jealously because it felt it many times when he saw Luna talk to guys. But why would he be jealous? He smiled and thought,' it's because she's like my little sister.'

He pulled her into his arms to comfort her but he felt a warmth he's never felt as he held her. Brotherly love, he thought again. He whispered sweet caring words into her ear.

Maybe she should give up. That was running through her mind as she sat next to him on the couch.

"Natsume," she whispered to him. He looked at her and nodded so that she should continue," do you really love Luna?" She looked at him expectantly, but she held her breathe, with one last strand of hope hoping that he would say no, even though she knew it was highly unlikely.

She watched him ponder for a while but then he looked at her and smiled.

"Yeah, I do."

**And then that last strand of hope she was hanging on too, was cut.**

* * *

**How was that? I hope you all enjoyed it! There will be another chapter coming out eventually. Please look forward to it.**

**Please be warned I don't like happy endings much. So it depends on my mood on whether this story will come out with either a happy ending or not. My mood and reviews (suggestions).**

**Please review!**

**-I Am Awkward**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ahh. I haven't updated in forever. Sorry. School is a jerk. But summer is coming up in a month for me! Though i still probably won't update much because I'm moving in the summer.**

**But anways, I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's not the last C;**

**Oh and sorry for all my mistakes and stuff. It's unintentional. I'm just a bad writer.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice.**

* * *

"_Mikan," A voice said," I don't need you. I have Luna." Mikan looked frantically at the person who had the voice. It was Natsume. He was walking away from her, his arm looped around Luna's shoulder._

"_Natsume!" she cried pitifully," Don't leave me. Please!" She tried to run after him but he only seemed to be getting farther until he completely disappeared._

She jerked awake with tears in her eyes as she had just awoken from a nightmare. She looked around to see where she was and her eyes landed by the figure beside her. It was Natsume. Their bodies were entangled in a large blanket on her living room couch and she recollected the night before.

_Do you really love Luna?_

_**Yeah, I do.**_

She held her hands to her heart and smiled a small smile. She knew he would say that. And here she was, still loving him. Still crying for him. She looked at Natsume again. She had to give up on him. She knew it. He wasn't ever going to love her like he loved Luna so it was best for her to save her tears. She's been crying for too long. And time was soon going to be up.

She held a silent cry as she jerked forward clutching her chest. Her breathing was shallow and new tears were forming in her eyes. The pain was excruciating.

"One kiss and I'll give up." She whispered to herself. She moved her hands to softly cup his face, ignoring the pain that seemed to be growing in her chest. Slowly, she brought her lips to his, savoring his soft lips and crying the tears she couldn't seem to hold back.

Feeling something wet on his face, Natsume's eyes fluttered open. His eyes widened in shock as he felt Mikan's lips on his. With lighting reflex, he shoved her away and she her back made contact with the coffee table.

"What the hell Mikan?" he yelled angrily at her," What was that?" He took his sleeve and wiped his lips, trying to get her lingering taste off of him.

In a soft voice, she mumbled," I love you Natsume." She had to tell him, before it was too late. She watched as a mix of emotions cross his face. Surprise, pity, anger, and lastly…**disgust.**

"Are you crazy? Love me? You can't love me Mikan. We're best friends. We can't be in love," his chest rose and fell in anger. She stood up and felt an ache in her back, but chose to ignore it. "I love Luna and you know it. God damn it Mikan. Why the hell would you do that? It makes it seem like I cheated on her now. And with someone like you!"

"I'm sorry Natsume, but I really do love you," she looked at him with teary eyes. His face contorted in disgust.

"**You are a failure as a friend,"** and with that, he stormed out. And he failed to notice a brunette haired women walk past him.

* * *

She held her knees close to her body.

_And with someone like you!_

She repeated those words in her head repeatedly. Someone like her? Was she really that bad of a person?

_Failure as a friend._

She was wasn't she? Natsume must have hated her now. She laughed a heartless laugh at the thought. It wouldn't matter, she'd be gone soon anyways. The throbbing in her chest came back once again. The pain seemed to be engulfing her as she screamed a horrid, high-pitched scream. She arched her back and clutched her chest harder, somehow hoping it would ease the pain that was taking over her body.

"Mikan!" a voice yelled. It was a familiar voice. One she had missed dearly.

"Mom?" she muttered, before she met with the darkness.

* * *

He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. What was that? Why did Mikan kiss him? And why did he feel warm inside thinking about it?

"This is wrong," he yelled at himself," you're dating Luna. You can't be cheating on her with your best friend! You cute, little, nerdy best friend of all people. Gosh, dang it." He face-palmed and sighed with confusion.

"Since when did she start feeling this way?" he began to wonder. Then he realized that the commotion last night, she was crying over him.

**Ring. Ring. Ring.**

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and looked to see who it was. Luna.

"Hey babe," he said, though he felt guilty and comfortable talking her at the moment.

"_Hey Natsume, we're taking a week trip to Hokkaido tomorrow and I was wondering it you'd want to join me?" _A one week trip? That sounded nice to him. He wanted to get away from all this confusion and most of all, he wanted to get away from Mikan. But being with the girl he loved on the trip was a plus.

Hokkaido here he comes.

* * *

**Beep. Beep. Beep.**

Mikan forced her eyes open to look at the machine that was making the irritating beeping noise she knew too well. Her vision came in focus only to see herself in a white room and her beloved mom at her side.

"Mikan baby?" her soothing voice sounded like it came from heaven.

"Hmm. Hi mommy." She felt her heart throbbing with the same pain as before, but not as painful.

"Are you an idiot?" she heard her mom suddenly yell with tears in her eyes," You almost died, you know that? Why did you stop taking your medicine?" Mikan chuckled softly. She's only been with her mom for a little while and she was already getting scolded. "Mikan," she started again," your cancer is at a dangerous stage now. You have to come and live with me and your dad in Houston. They have a good medical center. They can help you. Please baby, I don't want to have to worry about this anymore. You've put off your treatment for 3 years. Doctors say it's a miracle you're still alive."

"I know," she said breathlessly. It was her time to go. She put off her treatment too long and she was going to die soon. She's been battling with heart cancer for 4 years and refused to get treatment because it was too far. Too far away from Natsume. She begged her parents to let her live by herself in order to be by him. Because it was thousands of miles away and she just couldn't bear the thought of being so far away from him, but now she didn't have a choice. And it's not like he cared for her anymore anyways. She was a failure as a friend. "When should we leave?"

She watched as a smile spread across her mom's face. "How about tonight baby?" Tonight. That was so sudden. She had to say goodbye first. One last goodbye to Natsume and she had to get it through to him whether she liked it or not.

"Mom, can I leave for an hour?" she glanced at the clock which read 5 o'clock," to say goodbye?" Her mom nodded, knowing Mikan would want to say bye to the one she loved.

"The plane leaves at 7:45. I'll pack some of your necessities. It's going to be a long flight."

* * *

He was ready to go. He was packed for the trip and was more than ready to get away. Suddenly, he heard a knock on his front door and his mom yelling him to come get it. He rushed down the stairs and flung the door open hoping it would be Luna or Ruka. Instead, he came face to face with Mikan.

He could feel his face twist with confusion and slight disgust. He looked at her. She was wearing a dress with a large overcoat and a scarf that covered her nose. Her cheeks were flushed red and that's when he suddenly noticed how cute she was just then.

"Natsume,' she cried out softly," can I talk to you for a second?" Pause. Should he? Would he be able to face his failure of a friend. He stepped out and closed his door behind him. He looked down uncomfortably and murmured," Hurry up."

She coughed and started," I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being a failure as a friend. I'm sorry for kissing you. I'm sorry for making you feel like you probably cheated on Luna. And I'm sorry for loving you." He was silent still, not making any eye contact with her and she smiled.

"I promise I won't ever do something like that again. I know how uncomfortable that must have felt: being kissed by your best friend," a hoarse laugh escaped her pale, chapped lips. "I promise I'll stay away. Just do one thing for me…" he rose his head to finally look at her.

"Please hold me just this once." It was a plea. He could hear it in his voice and in all of the years knowing her, his heart never stirred like this for her. He looked at her watery eyes and her guilty, sad smile. And unconsciously, he opened his arms. She stepped into them and they held onto each other tightly. He felt a warm sensation travel through his chest. Different the one he felt when Luna confessed to him. Different from the one he had when he held Luna. It was warm, inviting, and he felt like he never wanted to let go.

They stood in that position for what seemed like eternity until she finally stepped back. She smiled a cheerful smile at him but he watched with sorrow as tears slid down her face.

"Thank you for doing that for me," she suddenly winced in pain but quickly smiled again. "Goodbye, Natsume."

And this time, he didn't fail to notice that she said "Goodbye" instead of "Goodnight". For some reason, he felt like he would never see her again. He brushed it off though. What a strange feeling he couldn't help but think.

Of course he wouldn't know that it was the last time he was ever going to see her again. He was now focused on his trip again. The trip and Luna.

* * *

He hugged her. Even though she was a failure as a friend, he still hugged her.

"Time to go Mikan," her mom called after her. They boarded on a special airplane that was similar to a mini hospital. Just in case.

"Goodbye Natsume. I love you." She turned toward the plane and walked forward, knowing she would never come back again.

**Goodbye Natsume.**

* * *

**Holy crap. I love sad stories. I think that's why I end up writing them. But did you expect that? I hope not. Ahaha. This chapter is quite long for someone like me so I'm kind of proud. Not really. I plan to start writing longer chapters if it's possible. :3**

**Oh! If you're reading my other stories, such as Shouldn't Have, please leave reviews so I can update that one too. Shouldn't Have is updated from the reviews remember!**

**I just felt like writing this chapter because I was reading sad mangas and just was loving it. My fingers were itching to write something mildly sad. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! **

**Please review!**


End file.
